"We attach our feelings to the moment when we were hurt, endowing it
with immortality. And we let it assault us every time it comes to mind. It
travels with us, sleeps with us, hovers over us while we make love, and
broods over us while we die. Our hate does not even have the decency to
die when those we hate die--for it is a parasite sucking OUR blood, not
theirs. There is only one remedy for it."
[forgiveness] Lewis B. Smedes

We've all been hurt and we've all been taught about forgiveness. But
why is forgiveness so difficult? Perhaps one reason is because you
haven't been able to define forgiveness, or you think to forgive is to
forget, or you don't seem to have the 'feeling' of forgiveness.  You may
understand forgiveness logically, and you agree it's the 'right thing to
do', but you simply don't know how. If so, you're not alone. I hope the
information you find here will help.  

On This Page . . .

  • What Is Forgiveness?
  • 7 Facts About Forgiveness
  • 7 Reasons To Forgive
  • How Do I Know If I Need To Forgive Someone?
  • Victims of Crime and Help With Trauma
  • Can EMDR Help With Forgiveness?
  • Forgiving Someone Today



What Is Forgiveness?

  •   Forgiveness is a decision to see the person as flawed.
  •    Forgiveness is deciding not to rehash the 'story'.
  •    Forgiveness does not mean you have to reunite with the person.
  •    Forgiveness does not require emotions or feelings.
  •    Forgiveness allows you to take back your emotional power.
  •    Forgiveness is giving up the desire for revenge.
  •    Forgiveness can be an 'intellectual' decision.
  •    Forgiveness is not a 'feeling'.
  •    Forgiveness is NOT forgetting.  

7 Facts About Forgiveness
  •  Forgiving someone does not mean they will change.
  •  Your peace is found in changing your mind, not in trying to
       change the person who hurt you.
  •   Each time you forgive, you're forgiving a part of yourself.
  •   You can choose to NOT have a relationship with the person.
  •   You don't need the other person's participation.
  •   You will always remember what happened.
  •  You do not need to understand or try to make sense out of what
        happened. Oftentimes, there will be no answers.  

7 Reasons To Forgive

  • Your heart is changed. Your attitudes are changed and you free
    yourself from the emotional bondage of the toxic effects of  
    unresolved anger.

  • You release resentments. No more energy spent on analyzing, over
    working, compulsively thinking about the person. Resentments fade.

  • You see the flaws in the other person, and recognize how
     limited humans can be . . . including yourself. Life is about
     making mistakes and learning lessons.

  • You stop thinking about revenge. Negative energy that interferes
    with your emotional and physical well being are replaced with
    positive thoughts.

  • Benefits of forgiveness may include: Clearer thoughts, ability to
    focus on your life goals, your relationships will be healthier, an  
    increase in energy, have fewer physical ailments, and increase your
    self esteem. Liberated from the anger of the past, you are free to
    live in the present, giving full attention to your life now . . . not
    spending precious energy rehashing the past.

  • Compassion replaces bitterness and anger. Your heart softens. You
    don't take yourself and your life so seriously.

  • You have an opportunity to start over with the person you forgive,
    learn lessons and move forward. (If they still remain in your life.)












How Do I Know If I Need To Forgive Someone?
If someone has hurt you, broken your heart, abused you, either in
childhood or as an adult, and you feel angry, bitter or want revenge,
you most likely have not forgiven that person.

If the wrong doing of someone else has strongly affected you, many
areas of your life may have been disturbed. The betrayal of
adultery, for instance, may have involved a divorce, hurt for
your children, financial stress, relocating, harmed your self
esteem and left your life in shambles. You may even have
misplaced
guilt or distortions about guilt and anger.

Therapists know that
frozen anger and unresolved painful
emotions are at the core of unforgiveness. The key in
determining if you need to forgive someone is found in how
much
anger you still have. Let's start with a little quiz
and find out how much unresolved anger might be
affecting your life:

  •   Are you a 'loner'?
  •   Are you afraid of intimacy?
  •   Do you want revenge against someone?
  •   Do others see you as hard to get to know?
  •   Do you project your anger onto others?
  •   Do you feel depressed most of the time?
  •   Do you ever feel bitter about how your life has gone so far?
  •   Do you avoid thinking or talking about the times you've
       been hurt by others?

Two YES answers--you may have anger and forgiveness issues.

Three YES answers--you most likely have
anger issues.

Four or more YES answers--the quality of your life may be at risk, and
you may be prone to relationship or health problems.

Victims of Crime and Trauma
In some cases, such as with victims of crime, or those traumatized
by another, may not have fully dealt with the intense
emotions of the
event. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is a clinical
diagnosis having to do with frozen emotions  and
disturbing
memories surrounding the traumatic event. Trauma  involves
a highly emotional situation, usually involving danger,
terror or fear. For Victims of Crime, returning to normal
life is often an ongoing process. Forgiveness cannot be done
without processing the pain first.

When a person goes straight to forgiveness quickly after
being hurt, they are most likely attempting to avoid the
emotional pain associated with the
traumatic experience.  
People who have been deeply injured or emotionally wounded
need time to deal with the effects on their life. But when time
comes for forgiveness, you  regain your personal power,
and you will have the last word.

Can EMDR Help With Forgiveness?
Yes. You may have difficulty forgiving another person, but
you also may need to forgive yourself. If you are struggling
with the concept of forgiveness, or want to stop carrying the
heavy
emotional burden of anger, resentment, bitterness, or
revenge, you may want to schedule a with Dr. Lynne to obtain
objective and professional support to begin your healing
process. There is hope and there is help. You don't need to
suffer another day.  Dr. Logan is a Certified EMDR Therapist.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), is a
powerful and often rapid therapeutic technique, and can be
used by a trained EMDR therapist to help you effectively
deal with forgiveness issues, as well as
anger, guilt and disturbing
memories which you believe prevent you from forgiving.  
EMDR is a breakthrough technique for dealing with many
emotional issues. EMDR information can be found on this website.

Forgiving Someone Today
Tired of Anger? Tired of feeling hurt? Tired of bitterness?
Guilt getting in the way of forgiveness? Are you ready to forgive?
Before you do the following forgiveness exercise, read and
ponder the thoughts below. You can begin today to forgive,
and release yourself from emotional bondage with
the following exercise:

  • Think back over your entire life, including your childhood. Make a
    list of ten people who hurt you. When you think of each person,
    what emotions come up? Anger? Bitterness? Revenge?  Guilt?
    Write the feelings down next to their name, and any other feelings
    you might have. This may take you a few hours or even spread out
    over several days to complete.

  • When you've completed your list and written your feelings down,
    write a short letter to each person. The letter will have two short
    paragraphs. The first paragraph states why you've been angry and
    the second paragraph about your decision to forgive. Remember,
    you do not have to have any feelings or emotions attached to the
    letter. You are intellectually making the decision, not emotionally.

  • When you have completed the letter, wad the paper up into a tight
    ball with your fist, compressing it as small as you can. Then, do one
    of the following things with it:
  • burn it in the fireplace
  • throw it in the trash

This is a healing exercise for you, not intended to send the letter to         
the person. You may decide to do this with your therapist. It won't take
long, and you will be well on your way to
emotional freedom.
Forgiveness
Forgiveness
is Washing Off
the
Word
"Anger"
From
Your Heart.
You Don't
Forgive to
Repair
A
Relationship,
You
Forgive to
Repair Your
Heart.
Without  
Forgiveness,
Our Relationships
Would Never
Increase
in Intimacy.
Forgiveness is
Essential
for
Love to Grow
.
To Forgive
is to
Set a Prisoner
Free,
and
Find Out
the
Prisoner
Was You.

Philip Yancey
No Matter
Who You Are,

No Matter
What You've
Done,

No Matter
What You're
Going Through,

Nothing Can
Keep You
From
Hope.




Cling to Hope
.
How To Forgive
Lynne Logan Ph.D., M.F.T.
Serving Orange County
6200 E. Canyon Rim Road, Suite 212
Anaheim Hills, CA. 92807
Call 714-883-9722
How To Forgive
Lynne Logan Ph.D., M.F.T.
Serving Orange County
6200 E. Canyon Rim Road, Suite 212
Anaheim Hills, CA. 92807
Call 714-883-9722
EMAIL: drlynnelogan@yahoo.com


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Forgiveness Repairs Your Heart
Forgiveness is Essential for Love to Grow
Foregiveness is Washing Off the Word 'Anger' from your Heart
To Forgive is to Set a Prisoner Free, and Find Out the Prisoner Was You
You must make the decision
You will not remain stuck in your bitterness and hate.
You must have grieved your injury and your loss,
and felt the primal pain within your soul.
The die has been cast,
and you must admit your heart
has been permanently scarred
and your life is forever changed.
You must decide the rest of your life
will not be emotionally controlled by
the harmful acts of another.
Be brave . . . you will heal.
No matter how difficult the circumstances are,
God, time and forgiveness will help you heal.
Is at the Core of
Resolving All Anger
and
Emotional Healing
An Unforgiven Injury Binds You to a Time and Place Someone Else has Chosen
When the Time Comes to Forgive, We Regain Our Personal Power
Solution Graphics
Never Give Up
Lynne Logan Ph.D., M.F.T.
Serving Orange County







Tellone Professional & Medical Bldg.
6200 E. Canyon Rim Road
Suite 212 (Inside Canyon Wellness Center)
Anaheim Hills, CA. 92807
Call 714-883-9722
SKYPE Sessions Now Available!
Forgiving does not erase
the bitter past.
A healed memory is not
a deleted memory.
Instead, forgiving what
we cannot forget creates
a new way to remember.
We change the memory of our past
into a hope for our future."

Beverly Flanigan
Don't Regret
What You Said.
Regret What You
Didn't Say
When You
Had the Chance.
Forgiveness
Means
it Finally
Becomes
Unimportant
that
You Hit Back.
Anne Lamott
Many Seasons
Faded Before
I Even Thought
About the Word
"Forgive."
Unforgiveness
Keeps Us Trapped
in
Old Wounds
and
Old Feelings.
Solution Graphics
SKYPE Sessions Now Available!