"We attach our feelings to the moment when we were hurt, endowing it
with immortality. And we let it assault us every time it comes to mind. It
travels with us, sleeps with us, hovers over us while we make love, and
broods over us while we die. Our hate does not even have the decency to
die when those we hate die--for it is a parasite sucking OUR blood, not
theirs. There is only one remedy for it." [forgiveness] Lewis B. Smedes

We've all been hurt and we've all been taught about forgiveness. But
why is forgiveness so difficult? Perhaps one reason is because you
haven't been able to define forgiveness, or you think to forgive is to
forget, or you don't seem to have the 'feeling' of forgiveness.  You may
understand forgiveness logically, and you agree it's the 'right thing to
do', but you simply don't know how. If so, you're not alone. I hope the
information you find here will help.  

  •   Forgiveness is a decision to see the person as flawed.
  •    Forgiveness is deciding not to rehash the 'story'.
  •    Forgiveness does not mean you have to reunite with the person.
  •    Forgiveness does not require emotions or feelings.
  •    Forgiveness allows you to take back your emotional power.
  •    Forgiveness is giving up the desire for revenge.
  •    Forgiveness can be an 'intellectual' decision.
  •    Forgiveness is not a 'feeling'.
  •    Forgiveness is NOT forgetting.  

  •  Forgiving someone does not mean they will change.
  •  Your peace is found in changing your mind, not in trying to change
         the person who hurt you.
  •   Each time you forgive, you're forgiving a part of yourself.
  •   You can choose to NOT have a relationship with the person.
  •   You don't need the other person's participation.
  •   You will always remember what happened.
  •  You do not need to understand or try to make sense out of what
         happened. Oftentimes, there will be no answers.  

  • Your heart is changed. Your attitudes are changed and you free
    yourself from the emotional bondage of the toxic effects of  
    unresolved anger.

  • You release resentments. No more energy spent on analyzing, over
    working, compulsively thinking about the person. Resentments fade.

  • You see the flaws in the other person, and recognize how limited
    humans can be . . . including yourself. Life is about making mistakes
    and learning lessons.

  • You stop thinking about revenge. Negative energy that interferes
    with your emotional and physical well being are replaced with
    positive thoughts.

  • Benefits of forgiveness may include: Clearer thoughts, ability to
    focus on your life goals, your relationships will be healthier, an  
    increase in energy, have fewer physical ailments, and increase your
    self esteem. Liberated from the anger of the past, you are free to
    live in the present, giving full attention to your life now . . . not
    spending precious energy rehashing the past.

  • Compassion replaces bitterness and anger. Your heart softens. You
    don't take yourself and your life so seriously.

  • You have an opportunity to start over with the person you forgive,
    learn lessons and move forward. (If they still remain in your life.)

If someone has hurt you, broken your heart, abused you, either in
childhood or as an adult, and you feel angry, bitter or want revenge, you
most likely have not forgiven that person.

If the wrong doing of someone else has strongly affected you, many
areas of your life may have been disturbed. The betrayal of adultery, for
instance, may have involved a divorce, hurt for your children, financial
stress, relocating, harmed your self esteem and left your life in shambles.
You may even have misplaced
guilt or distortions about guilt and anger.

Therapists know that
frozen anger and unresolved painful emotions are
at the core of unforgiveness. The key in determining if you need to
forgive someone is found in how much
anger you still have. Let's start
with a little quiz and find out how much unresolved anger might be
affecting your life:

  •   Are you a 'loner'?
  •   Are you afraid of intimacy?
  •   Do you want revenge against someone?
  •   Do others see you as hard to get to know?
  •   Do you project your anger onto others?
  •   Do you feel depressed most of the time?
  •   Do you ever feel bitter about how your life has gone so far?
  •   Do you avoid thinking or talking about the times you've
     been hurt by others?

Two YES answers--you may have anger and forgiveness issues.

Three YES answers--you most likely have
anger issues.

Four or more YES answers--the quality of your life may be at risk, and
you may be prone to relationship or health problems.

In some cases, such as with victims of crime, or those traumatized by
another, may not have fully dealt with the intense
emotions of the event.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
is a clinical diagnosis having to
do with frozen emotions  and
disturbing memories surrounding the
traumatic event. Trauma  involves a highly emotional situation, usually
involving danger, terror or fear. For Victims of Crime, returning to
normal life is often an ongoing process. Forgiveness cannot be done
without processing the pain first.

When a person goes straight to forgiveness quickly after being hurt, they
are most likely attempting to avoid the emotional pain associated with
traumatic experience.  People who have been deeply injured or
emotionally wounded need time to deal with the effects on their life.
But when time comes for forgiveness, you  regain your personal power . .
you will have the last word.

Yes. You may have difficulty forgiving another person, but you also may
need to forgive yourself. If you are struggling with the concept of
forgiveness, or want to stop carrying the heavy
emotional burden of
resentment, bitterness, or revenge, you may want to schedule a
phone counseling session with Dr. Lynne to obtain objective and
professional support and clarification. There is hope and there is help.
You don't need to suffer another day.

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing), is a powerful and
often rapid therapeutic technique, and can be used by a trained EMDR
therapist to help you effectively deal with forgiveness issues, as well as
anger, guilt and disturbing memories which you believe prevent you from
forgiving.  EMDR is a breakthrough technique for dealing with many
emotional issues. EMDR information can be found on this website.

Tired of Anger? Tired of feeling hurt? Tired of bitterness? Guilt getting
in the way of forgiveness? Are you ready to forgive? Before you do the
following forgiveness exercise, read and ponder the thoughts below:

You can begin today to forgive, and release yourself from emotional
bondage with the following exercise:

  • Think back over your entire life, including your childhood. Make a
    list of ten people who hurt you. When you think of each person,
    what emotions come up? Anger? Bitterness? Revenge?  Guilt?
    Write the feelings down next to their name, and any other feelings
    you might have. This may take you a few hours or even spread out
    over several days to complete.

  • When you've completed your list and written your feelings down,
    write a short letter to each person. The letter will have two short
    paragraphs. The first paragraph states why you've been angry and
    the second paragraph about your decision to forgive. Remember,
    you do not have to have any feelings or emotions attached to the
    letter. You are intellectually making the decision, not emotionally.

  • When you have completed the letter, wad the paper up into a tight
    ball with your fist, compressing it as small as you can. Then, do one
    of the following things with it:
  • burn it in the fireplace
  • throw it in the trash

This is a healing exercise for you, not intended to send the letter to the
person. You may decide to do this with your therapist. It won't take long,
and you will be well on your way to
emotional freedom.

               OFFICE Appointments Available in
           Pittsburgh, Monroeville & Upper St.Clair
Toll Free: 877-CALL-197
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is Washing Off
Your Heart.
You Don't
Forgive to
Forgive to
Repair Your
Would Never
in Intimacy.
Forgiveness is
Love to Grow
To Forgive
is to
Set a Prisoner
Find Out
Was You.

Philip Yancey
No Matter
Who You Are,

No Matter
What You've Done,

No Matter
What You're
Going Through,

Nothing Can
Keep You

Cling to Hope
Dr. Lynne
Benefits of
Phone Counseling-Toll Free Call
How To Forgive
Lynne Logan Ph.D., M.F.T.
Phone Counseling Now--Toll Free
How To Forgive
Forgiveness Repairs Your Heart
Forgiveness is Essential for Love to Grow
Foregiveness is Washing Off the Word 'Anger' from your Heart
To Forgive is to Set a Prisoner Free, and Find Out the Prisoner Was You
Phone Counseling-Toll Free Call
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Binds You
to a
Time and Place
Someone Else
Has Chosen;
It Holds You
in a
Past Moment
and in
Old Feelings.

Carol Luebering
You must make the decision
you will not remain stuck in your bitterness and hate.
You must have grieved your injury and your loss,
and felt the primal pain within your soul.
The die has been cast,
and you must admit your heart
has been permanently scarred
and your life is forever changed.
You must decide the rest of your life
will not be emotionally controlled by
the harmful acts of another.
Be brave . . .you will heal.
No matter how difficult the circumstances are,
God, time and forgiveness will help you heal.
Forgiving does not erase the bitter past.
A healed memory is not a deleted memory.
creates a new way to remember.
We change the memory of our past
into a hope for our future.

Beverly Flanigan
On This Page . . .
Is At The Core of
Resolving All Anger
Emotional Healing
An Unforgiven Injury Binds You to a Time and Place Someone Else has Chosen
Many Seasons
Faded Before
I Even Thought
About the Word
When the Time Comes to Forgive, We Regain Our Personal Power
Solution Graphics
Acceptance Mark
Acceptance Mark
Acceptance Mark
Acceptance Mark
Choose Amount of Time
Never Give Up
Topics on this Website:
Don't Regret
What You Said.
Regret What You
Did'nt Say
When You
Had the Chance.